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Well, obviously I did not follow through on the blogging resolution. I hate resolutions. I am seriously trying to decide if I should keep this going or if I waste valuable writing time by babbling away through my fingertips. Yes, I started this blog as an outlet for my NEED to write, get the words floating around my head out so I would not develop any more personalities. In turn, blogging introduced me to the wider world of writing available on this here Web. I’ve learned so much about writing and publishing, both traditionally and independently. I’ve also learned about my own writing, as in: what I want to write, how important writing is to my life, and what my shortcomings are.
Often, I think about “My Blog” as if it is a favorite old hangout, where I “used to go,” but which feels different when I occasionally visit now. Does that make sense? I admit that when I branched out and realized just how many people were blogging about the same or similar topics, I lost some confidence, or perhaps just the novelty wore off. I found myself comparing my blog with others, which are better written or “more popular” or funnier. It feels like high school again.
Is this whining? Or just the thoughts flowing out of me again? I want to be a better blogger, but I also want to be a professional writer, so I feel the need to focus more on that now. I am torn, though, because I know that blogging stimulated my writing in the first place, and I know I do not want to completely give up.
I have started posting on tumblr, which makes it easy to pass on links without feeling the need to create an accompanying post. Also, you may have noticed that I am firmly addicted to Twitter. Did Twitter kill my blogging buzz? Maybe. It is a fantastic forum that allows us to “micro-blog” and find resources, and of course, socialize. (Though to snark for a moment: I think I liked it better before the brand names and MSM discovered its potential for PR and marketing. And who really trusts “social media experts” who have 50,000 followers, but post the same links constantly? Not me.)
Anyhoo, this is just a check-in really. I am not quitting, but I am trying to let go of the nagging feeling that “I should be blogging” when I know I really should be WRITING and/or cleaning my damn house or any of a multitude of duties. I didn’t even plan on writing this post when I logged in today; it just sort of “flowed” out of me. Maybe My Blog is the outlet I need after all.
(Ironically, I was actually thinking of doing Poetic Aside’s Poem-A-Day challenge again which means I may post more in April *fingers crossed*).

Due to a major malfunction caused by my son’s need to be a high-tech gamer, my personal computer is in a coma. I am not giving up and will be pulling for its recovery, but meanwhile, I am posting this from the public computer [gotta love your local library!]. I realized that I had not blogged here ‘all year’ and I do have a blogging resolution to maintain.
Being offline at home has been something of a blessing in disguise because I have been forced to go low-tech and get back to the basics. Hence, the old compostion notebooks are getting dragged out, I am actually getting more reading done and I am using any other ‘freetime’ to organize and plan for the year. I also have to be a bit more selective in what I do with my limited time online [and not just because they don’t allow access to facebook here ūüôā ]. So, I am cramming proofing, posting and querying into a two-hour time period, generally on Tuesdays and Thursdays while the wee ones are in their preschool class. I am taking a look at my virtual habits and winnowing away at the time-wasters, just as I am going through the collected stuffs at home and throwing out the old to make way for the new.
I had planned on doing something similar with my blog, by reviewing my past posts and links and maybe even changing my layout, but much of that will have to wait until I get my PC back.
Yes, I miss it, and it shows [obviously, since it has been less than a week and I am already waxing nostalgic-like]. It seems a bit strange, since, like most of us, my writing definitely started the old-fashioned way [apply pen to paper], but I have to admit that the net and writing software are fundamental to a modern writer’s career, and even to publishing and education. So, again, I count the blessing of the public library’s services, because I would not be here without it!

 I am working on linking this blog over to NaBloPoMo and now I have noticed that my NaNo wordcount widget has been hijacked. I am having a bit of struggle managing my media and links, but am hoping that is going to be one of the promised changes coming to WordPress soon. I really want to be writing my novel rather than dealing with HTML which is a foreign language to me. More kudos to the programmers who do all the work for us!

NaNoWriMo is so busy I can’t get to many pages today, but I did read their recent blog and thought I’d share. Chris Baty is actually discussing just how busy their server gets as NaNoSeason rolls in and shares some stat shots. As you can imagine, it grows every year. I know they have a brand spanking new one this year when they are anticipating the busiest, biggest year yet. I’m crossing my toes for luck. [My fingers are obviously busy :)]

I have been looking at the stats here¬†more too, now that I have been blogging regularly again, which is something I did not really think I would care about when I started.¬†This still is a personal project for myself, in that¬†I do not expect to gain anything from my blog except some more writing skills and some peace of mind. Lucky me, I have also made some friendly connections, with other writers and bloggers, and activists and even learned a thing or two. Still, it’s fun to look at the stats and pings too;) It’s like a virtual pat-on-the-back, or the plus-mark on a teacher’s checkmark. Gives you a reason to keep going.

¬†It is amusing {or very sad} that my Most Viewed¬†[through searches]¬†post is a short, silly one I wrote about the auction of J.K. Rowling’s hand-crafted copy of Tales of Beedle the Bard. Just goes to show how much impact she still has on the literary culture as well as the “Interwebs”. So happy to report that we¬†Muggles do get to read them in December, though the cover is not nearly as cool as the original. Still, it will be a fun read after a month of writing.

 

[Update: HEY! My widget’s back in play. Can’t wait to see if i get past zero!]

I apparently do not feel challenged enough with NaNo looming around the corner [one week!] so i have also signed up for National Blog Posting Month, which is supposed to be an alternative project for November, but also runs year-round. I am hoping that it will work with me blogging here, daily, about my NaNo experience, but I also am making some posts over there. This is what I wrote today:

OK i now have my official blog [“writer’s flow“] Rss’d on the side of this page, so I think that should count for the NaNoBloPo posts but I am also determined to post here every day this week to get in the swing of things. When NaNo starts, I will be limiting my posts to wordcounts and updating/ranting/whining. That should be fun. I swear i will try not to grate on too many nerves.

At this point it really is getting to be more of a personal weblog than I originally planned. I had great aspirations of “saving the book” or something when I began my blog. I was [am] appalled at some of the exploits of the mainstream media [MSM] and I had a lot to say to absolutely noone, because my kids don’t care and my husband works most of the day, most of the time. I have since found many great outlets online and am virtually conquering my writer’s block, though sometimes I cannot control the flow. I admit to being skeptical about the whole blogging experience as well as social networks, but now I am a happy blogger/social network butterfly. Networks like this one combine the best of both.

My latest ‘discovery’ [yes, i tend to be late to most cool things] is Newsvine, which I signed up for today. I doubt I will be able to focus on it much until December, but recommend it to news junkies who want to contribute and speak out. It seems to speak to my Inner Journalist whom I pretty much killed during college. Perhaps it would be better to say I inebriated her and left her for dead. I admit to claiming to be “disillusioned by the media” when I changed my original Mass Communications major to the comfortable standby of English, though I probably also believed then I could be a poet in Reallife. Now, though, I often wish I could be part of the amazing alternative journalistic movement and online communities. Well, I can at least blog about it and contribute to the dialogue.

I often wonder what made other bloggers start? Obviously some folks have found a niche that needs filling and have become the place to go for info while others write about subjects which they just love and want to share with others. Some people write blogs that are much like diaries, but I suspect that many, like myself, just have so many thoughts bumping around in their heads that they needed to find another outlet. It is a great way to communicate, with or without personal commitment, and frankly, a good writing exercise.

I do not know if I will make any new connections here,but I am already inspired by a few other bloggers, like Kat’sStuff, who has reached out to others and is even sponsoring her own Giveaway a Day event. There are good things happening here! Have fun!

 

My name is “Writer’s Flow” and I have writer’s block.¬†I don’t mean this facetiously. I have been trying to write this post for awhile now. Even this is physically hard to write, but i am forcing myself to go on [despite racing heart, nagging doubts, flustered fingers] When i began this blog, a little over a year ago, i was on an upswing, ready to flow, more ideas and drive than i knew what to do with. This felt like a natural progression. I was Writing Again [and actually submitting]…actually putting those thoughts on paper, instead of slowly going nuts listening to them bounce around in my head… and Revising, revisiting…pulling out notebooks and unwrapping napkins with thoughts jotted on them… looking at characters a decade later and finding their voices were still there… all i could do was write, just like old times…all the time-stories, poems, essays, even exploring writing forums online and actually, really, writing long overdue letters to relatives and friends…real letters which are harder. they are hard again

it all is…even when it comes and i actually write, like now…racing, doubting, shaking. i have a tic in my finger..wher di dthat come from?! I have been writing since before I could really think for myself and have been trained, complimented, even awarded as a writer, but i have a hard time thinking of myself as one. though i am. I can say that much. And I want to [have to/need to] write. not for fame or fortune [haha] but because i can and should. So, what is my real problem? I go through all of these thoughts over and over, just like my scenes… but when it comes to facing the page, or the screen or, gulp, a deadline…i freeze, i panic i stop…sometimes for days,¬†even years, this time, 15 weeks, on and off again

i dont know why… or what triggered the block again…i have no shortage of ideas or thoughts, it¬†is not due to lack of imagination or opinion…because the voices havent stopped especially my own¬†loud berating one which carries a red pen and a whole lot of baggage. It could have been yet another rejection letter, or misinterpretation of meaning…something random or even nonexistent. I know i have many anxieties and contributing factors…been collecting them all my life. When it hits, i have to go with it, because i never know when it will return. or if

I don’t think everyone will understand what i mean. i used to think noone could, but i have naturally turned to the comfort of reading and have learned that I am not crazy. This is real. There is a physical reaction coupled with the mental condition that is officially termed Writer’s Block. When i was younger, I used to think it was a joke, of sorts, tongue-in-cheek, coined [of course] by a cynical struggling writer. It’s a better term for that other writer’s disease: procrastination. After all, writing isn’t really a job, right? It’s an impulse, a talent, an ability. Most of us learn how to write. Some of us just like it more, right? I had so many thoughts and ideas…how could anyone not know what to write? What i didn’t understand was the difference between ‘not knowing what to write’ and ‘knowing, but being unable to write it’. Facing the page and losing the battle before you even begin. Starting a letter eight times and never sending it even when you really love and miss someone. Writing poems or scenes in my head which will never be read or sweating and damnnear hyperventilating until you actually do get it out on paper, and then hating evry word you wrote. I edit myself, even before i am done. Right now, i am purposefully trying to curb my Inner Editor just so i can get this out of me. So i don’t go back, or erase or Delete. I am trying to start again. Again. So i have not entirely lost my flow. And i want to work on this. So now this blog will encounter its therapeutic side and help me get back to being a writer.

I havent given up. I can’t. i’m here but I don’t really feel much more confident. This could be my last post for all I know. Maybe I really am full of it. Or not. Maybe it will help. So I have to backtrack my original resolve to not get too personal and I haveto really do it. Write it out, from the inside out. but first i guess i have to work out this kink in my flow.

OK yes, sorry,¬†I have been neglectful and not kept a regular schedule and I am guilty of surfing endlessly as well as getting a bit lost in outer myspace…[btw- that last post sounds so pathetic, so sorry again!] Maybe I am kidding myself that anyone noticed or cared, but strangely enough, I did…do, uh, I have to confess I actually missed blogging. Which feels weird since I never really thought I would like it much.

So, anyway, yes, I did get a bit overwhelmed with setting up a space, decorating and whatnot. I didn’t move in right away, though; it took me awhile to give in. First I had to berate my friends in person, then surprise them with embarassing pix the first day I signed in…hahaha…. and before any creepos try anything creepy, don’t even bother b/c if I don’t know you in real world¬†space then you are not my friend.

I¬†guess I am starting a new social network obsession b/c I ended up joining another one too…completely ridiculous right? Well, this one is called change.org and it’s way more my style. I was feeling a little smarmy browsing through some of the myspace pages, as well as old, but I have to admit it might not be that bad. There, I said it. There is a lot to be said for being able to spread your words around and keep in touch quickly and easily. I am having fun finding some public spaces for activist groups and authors I like. Myspace has also added Impact which may do some good considering how many people are on there!

Which leads me back to Change.org which rocks…easy to use and connect with info/causes/non-profits… plus it keeps track so I can feel all good about myself…hahaha… really I just appreciate that there are a lot of positive actions being taken on this wide wide world. I am not exactly collecting friends on that space, which for some reason are called recruits, but I’m more open to new connections there. Apparently they just started up publicly this year, but there are already a million groups involved. I also learned about goodsearch.com through them which is now my search engine of choice b/c it donates $ to my chosen cause. Works for me, so now I can stop worrying that I don’t do enough good in the world b/c I waste all my time reading, writing and chasing kids. Whatever gets me through the night, eh?

I am not completely forgetting print media and am putting in a new resolution to actually cover it a bit more as well as complete some actual reviews, of books, I mean. In fact, I have to go finish reading something before I fall asleep….

This¬†is a learning process. August 1st is as¬†good a day as any to begin a new chapter in life. [It even sounds prophetic] Even now, my heart is pounding and I may yet lose my nerve. Thank god for Backspace! Yes, I am exposing my Self to the Net and hoping to learn something along the way. It seems that this may be the key to success in the 21st century. It may, at the very least, help me control some of those nagging voices in my head. The ones that want to yell at the folks on TV reporting on the latest starlet meltdown, that contribute to the running commentary log in my brain, that cannot seem to find their way onto paper. [Please tell me I am not the only one who hears them!] Frankly, it sounds like my own voice most of the time, but if let loose I would definitely be a real bitch. So, in the interest of my hardworkin’ husband, who really doesn’t want to listen to me¬†gripe about things outside our personal life, and possibly for my own career/future/sanity I will offer these musings, postings, and random thoughts to the WWW. Whether or not anyone else reads/identifies/cares is, at least for now, irrelevant. This is my way of learning about writing for the web, as well as beginning my foray into freelance writing. [the block has been released and i cannot seem to control the flow so I must find an outlet.] Somewhere along the line, I graduated from scrawling a personal journal and amateur poetry in an old spiral-bound to actually needing/wanting/loving my keyboard [and that bless’d backspace button]. Hard to believe, because I never¬†thought that I would willingly give up the pen. I haven’t completely, of course, because that is almost sacrilegious, and I still have plenty of notebooks laying around. Of course, there’s the whole “save a tree” thing, which I generally support, but¬†do confess that I am still an avid supporter of the print media. I LOVE books and fear the day they are eradicated completely. [fear it, but don’t believe it… technology will¬†probably destroy itself¬†before humanity stops communicating in some written form] In that spirit, I do plan to use my blog to support print…hahaha, the ironies abound… and will include reviews/links/info related to print media. Yes, as a writer, I am required to promote myself, but for now, I will hold back and only share some minor details. Like, I said, I am learning and I am taking baby steps. This process is not¬†on high-speed.

Where I Am Online:

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Writer's Flow

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